I am heart glad that I have chosen to stay still and watch. Observing my family, my children, my husband, my home grow at their own winding pace and knowing that I have part in that has been life altering in one of the most positive ways I know. It is true that any defining change in your life is not easy and/ or simple but I seem to have reached a point of equilibrium, where the changes past and changes to come seem right and good. It is true that not everyone has the same opportunity and there are many reasons why it is not possible to stop in this way for possibly years. Neither is it the easy option (financially) for me or the best move career wise, however the very many emotions I experience on a day to day, hour by hour, indeed minute by minute make it the best choice for me and my family.
However as I began, there is something in me that always makes me 'look', not out of longing and envy, at other peoples lives. This is turn makes me feel dissatisfied with my efforts. It is a purely personal dissatisfaction, a precision targeted ego arrow! Am I 'good', 'enough', existing'?
Now this is not a blog post to whinge and whine to the cyber waves. No, indeed it is quite the opposite! This is a post to declare how grateful, proud, warm and strong I feel about my life! And therefore, I will write. Write what I will, with photos or not, but I will only write for me! Enjoy it for the hobby that it is, not as a way of proving the worth of my existence!
Christmas is round the corner, we have stirred up our Christmas pud together, the little gift pile is growing, our tree took residence today and I look forward to a time of cosyness, traditions; old, new and beginning, good, good food and drink and much family and friendship! Merry Christmas Everyone!